Over the past week I’ve been feeling the blues. Up until yesterday I was extremely worried and stressed. It happens to me all the time so I’m used to it but it’s difficult sometimes.
I’ll often have a few consecutive days of stress and worry then suddenly I’ll have some sort of revelation whilst doing something I always do like listening to The Jezabels. It was once words from the song Beat to Beat:
“All of my things that I don’t want,
all of the things that I don’t need,
are weighing me down,
are weighing me down,
but it goes on”
Just hearing those lines changed my state of mind. I had been carrying a mental burden that was weighing me down by affecting me physically. Those words reminded me that it goes on, life is always changing. It’s impossible for me to avoid things that will get me down but more often than not these things aren’t as big a deal as they seem so I just have to keep going.
Yesterday I spent the day in Cardiff, it was only when I got home that I realised I’d forgotten all about my worries from the past week. Its surprising what a change of scenery can do to a persons state of mind.
Anyway I’m now feeling refreshed, energised and full of positivity.
On a lighter note, last week I reached 400 followers on the blog so “Thank you very much!”
I really appreciate all the support especially as I’m becoming a more confident blogger, it all feels great.
Hope your Sunday has been RAD!
Yesterday I read a blog post on inthefrow about getting back into old hobbies. It reminded that I haven’t done anything textiles/sewing related for a long time and that I don’t spend enough time writing just for fun.
Sewing is something I’ve been doing from a young age. It began with me and my sister using fabric scraps to hand sew dolls clothes then when I was 9 I joined the sewing club at school where I first learnt to hand embroider. As I got older Textiles was always a subject I enjoyed and did best in at school.
Last year in January I got my very own sewing machine and I was so happy as I had wanted one for a very long time. Fast forward to present day and I haven’t used my machine since August. The feeling I get when I’m creating something is amazing and I miss it. I already have a few things I want to make or alter I just need to get to it.
I spend more time thinking about writing than I do actually writing. I was recently inspired to start writing fiction again as I haven’t done so since secondary school. It won’t be for my blog, it’ll be for me and for fun. In terms of blog posts I have an ever-growing list of 40+ ideas but I rarely get round to actually writing them out.
Procrastination is one of the reasons I haven’t been pursuing my interests as much I as could have been. I want to be good at the things I do but I constantly worry that I won’t be (it’s a vicious circle!) and sometimes it ends up seeming better to not bother than to try and feel disappointed.
I’ve felt like that with many things in life but it’s only now when I’ve done some reflection and become consciously aware of the habit, that I am able to realise it is something I have to work on.
I want to end this post with a quote from a book by Paul Arden:
“Aim beyond what you are capable of. Try things you are incapable of. Make your vision a reality.”
Yesterday I met a man who was typing away with books at his side and I felt compelled to talk to him.I thought I’d never seen before but he told me I must have forgotten him as he recognised my face.
I discovered that we both had a love to read and write which made for an interesting conversation. “I have a blog” I said. He seemed intrigued; he wanted to know more so I explained a little but held back on the web address.
There is something quite terrifying about sharing my blog at times. My blog is very honest but in person I often don’t share quite so much.
Having someone read the personal things I’ve written that I probably wouldn’t tell them face to face is something I fear. I’m the kind of person that instinctively tries to portray the image of ‘the girl who has it together’ in real life whereas online I guess it’s easier to just let go.
Since I’ve started getting better from depression one of my goals has been to be more open in real life. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel whatever I feel and express it. It’s easy to be myself with strangers though because they’ve never known me to be anything more or less.
So that is why I spent quite some time talking to the man I met yesterday and allowed him to get to know me. Sharing just enough that he’d want to know more.
The past week has been filled with ups, downs. From post-work margaritas with a colleague to bursting into tears over excessive stress, anxiety and lack of sleep to a 1st birthday and making plans with a friend I haven’t seen for way too long.
Anyway, I thought I’d share a photo, that represents me excellently because yesterday at work I was reminded of this habit I have of sometimes not looking people in the eye. I feel uncomfortable making eye-contact because I feel like my eyes give away how I’m feeling and sometimes I don’t want people to know. Also my eyes are the window to my soul and not every Tom, Dick and Harry is getting that privilege!
Maybe it’s because the sun is shining but I’m feeling pretty optimistic. I want to work hard and go after the things in life that I daydream about.
It’s pretty easy to say what you want but going after it is challenging and scary. Maybe that’s why people settle, they want a life that is comfortable with low risk.
I’ve known quite a few people who want that from life. It’s easy to just go through the motions of life without stopping to really think about what you want.
I’ve always hated the idea of settling but it’s hard sometimes to have the continuous motivation and self belief to push myself as much as I should and really see how far I can go.
I remember almost 3 years ago, when I got my GCSE grades. Despite getting mostly Bs, a couple As and an A*, I wasn’t pleased. I had never challenged myself enough because I knew that I would still get by with decent grades.
With my blog I make posting schedules but never stick to them and I write down all these ideas but take months to turn them into posts. I guess I’d say I do enough to keep my blog afloat but I’m not challenging myself which is why I want to be doing 5 posts every week.
Over the years I’ve realised that I’ve been limiting myself in all aspects of my life and the result of that has been missing out on many great opportunities.
It’s a terrible feeing to have when you realise that you are the one thing standing in your own way. I’ve come to realise that unless I learn to push myself I will never truly be happy.
So I’m making a promise to myself, not to settle but to go after what I want in life, to be a hard worker, dream chaser and to know that I am capable of greatness.
Then one day I’ll be able to say that I know what it truly means to live.
The book I am currently reading is The power of habit by Charles Duhigg. I tweeted about Duhiggs book, a couple of days ago and he replied which was pretty cool.
I think these books minus the one on the bottom left are perfect for the place I am currently at in my life. I’m letting go of the past starting to work towards the life that I want for myself.
The first day I began the power of habit I learnt about the habit loop (that consists of cue, routine and reward). The book said that in order to change a habit you only need to change the routine.
I think the reason why I like the book so much is that I can apply the things I have learnt to my own life which actually makes it worth reading.
I’d love to know what you’ve been reading lately, whether it’s a book or blog.
So I have decide that lmg is no more.
I’ve decided to change my name to Jimi Fuchsia as I think it sounds so much better and suits me way more.
Jimi (or Jimmy) is actually one of my nicknames. It was given to me by my Dad randomly a couple of years ago and it used to annoy me but I’ve grown to like it.
Fuchsia is one of my favourite colours and I thought it was a good surname for my new alias.
You may be wondering why I don’t just use my real name instead of a made up one but I’ve never really blogged as Gemela (my real name) before and I don’t really want to.
So I’ll no longer be signing off my posts with XO lmg, I haven’t yet decided how I’ll end my posts now. Maybe J.F or Miss Fuchsia (cah-yoot!), so many possibilities.
I hope you all had a good Easter, if your into it!
Bye for now,